Advising someone who thinks they hate their spouse to have sex with them at least once a week for six months (in God’s name – and in chapter 12 of the 5 Love Languages) is fucked up. Telling sexual abuse survivors to apologise to their abusers for the sake of harmonious family relationships (in chapter 10 of When Sorry Isn’t Enough) is fucked up. (I scored surprisingly low in Receiving Gifts, in case that wasn’t apparent.) But a grudging admission that parts of the theory might be relevant doesn’t make the whole theory sound. So what, then? Is there nothing useful in his theory? Parts of it actually do ring true for me: make a point of turning off your cell phone when we’re doing something together and I’m going to feel like I matter a fuckload more than if you give me a heap of trinkets that you collected. And probably his children’s and grandchildren’s retirements as well. I think he took an underdeveloped but potentially salvageable theory, packaged it up in Jesus and questionable examples, and let those of us with too much of a tendency toward trust pay for his retirement. Reading more of Chapman’s work hasn’t substantiated his theory for me. Spoiler alert: it’s all about understanding how someone’s love languages determine which apologies will be effectively heard by them. This advice helped me understand that Chapman’s target audience is the sheltered church-going crowd, of which I am definitely not an example) and then When Sorry Isn’t Enough (co-authored with Jennifer Thomas. I started with Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married (basically, figure out who will clean the bathroom and who will balance the cheque book – no shit, that’s what the book boils down to. He’s done an insane admirable job of capitalising on this one theory, so there was no shortage of other books to choose from. If you haven’t read the book, maybe just skip the bullshit and go for a brief synopsis instead.įeeling not completely certain about Chapman’s theory, I read some more of his work. If you’ve read the book and are still in the Love Languages camp, Read It and Weep created a comical (and – warning! – not so PC) podcast review of the book which includes a few more points of consideration. “ Come on Gary! Get your theory together!” I wanted to shake the author and demand that he differentiate. Including the “gift of self” as part of this supposed language and attempting to separate that from Quality Time and Acts of Service (two more of his five languages) was confusing and contradictory. Honestly, at the time my biggest issue was Gary Chapman’s decision to include Receiving Gifts as an integral part of his theory. I read the 5 Love Languages a couple of months ago and was a little bit considerably underwhelmed. Here are 7 reasons you don't need to put up with that. In my experience, these are pretty easily discernible from one another, as shit-stirrers generally have a continual pattern of dramatics. It's important to be able to identify someone who is raining down shit for shit's sake, and someone who genuinely needs help. Your extended friends, family, co-workers, people you're dating - it doesn't matter who is it, there's no reason why you should allow yourself to become mired in the crap of someone else's "woe is me" existence. When there's give and take in a mutually beneficial relationship, sometimes you have to take someone else's lumps, or at least help them take their own.īut mostly, you should never need to put up with anyone else's shit.
#I think love is bullshit full
Sometimes your mum, your SO, or your best friend will be entirely full of bullshit, and you put up with it - and that's totally OK. Sometimes, great people will be full of shit. These people might not even be consciously aware that they're the kind of people who enjoy making things difficult, but they keep doing it because it nourishes them in some weird way. And the more your schedule piles up and the more experiences you'll accumulate, the more you'll realize that there are just simply some people in life who want to make things difficult. A lot of places to go, a lot of people to meet.
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